My Uncle Oreste

My mother is the youngest of three children. That's her on the far left. My aunt Laura is next to her, my grandfather is the white-haired dude in the middle and on the right is my uncle Oreste. This photo was taken 14 years ago, at my cousin's wedding. I love how happy everyone looks.

They say that birth order really does determine your character and in the case of my mother's family, it's hard not to believe it. Laura, the oldest, was the family peacemaker, protective and a little bossy. Oreste, the middle child, was the quiet one who was always more content watching from the sidelines than being in the middle of the action. And Letizia, the youngest, was the feisty one who often clashed with my strong-willed, stubborn grandfather even if, or because, she resembled him the most.

I think, in a way, that Laura and Letizia have always seen themselves as being my uncle Oreste's buffers against my grandfather. Oreste was by nature a far gentler spirit than my grandfather, who could be so hard on his children. As hard on them as he was sweet on us, the grandchildren. Which is why it is all the more devastating that Oreste has passed, after a short, intense illness that took us all by surprise. His death was mercifully quick, but his illness itself was a shock to our family, in which so many people lived very long lives, some of them nearing or passing 100. Oreste still had so many years ahead of him.

We're not a religious family. We don't go to church and many of us don't believe in God. So imagining my uncle's path now is a difficult, slightly nebulous thing. I wonder, is he in Verona, hanging out behind his wife's dining room chair, wrapped up in the slightly smoky air he left behind? Or is he in Torre San Tommaso, walking back and forth on the country road that joins the cemeteries where my grandfather and grandmother are buried, past the house that we all love so much even if it holds some memories we'd like to forget? Is he in Toronto, whispering in his son Riccardo's ear that he's with him every step of the way, on Riccardo's trip to India later this month to meet his future wife's family, at City Hall when they marry, at everything that still lies ahead?

I like to think he is in all those places at once. And in Berlin and Brussels, too, flashing his infectious grin at his sisters and telling them not to be sad, that he had a good life even if he had to leave it too soon, a good marriage, a son to be proud of. And that, anyway, he'll be with them always - as the knock-kneed little boy who once fell out of a moving car on a family trip, as the proud father of a baby boy who grew up to have his same smile, as the brother who always knew how much his sisters loved him and love him still.

He's all around us, everywhere.

Comments

[Lynn]

Oh, Luisa, how sad, my condolences to you and your family...

[merle]

I'm so sorry, Luisa.
Uncles can be so special.

[lauren@spicedplate]

Treasure the memories -- I'm sorry for your loss, but yes -- he'll be around you, everywhere.

[Couscous & Consciousness]

Oh, Luisa, I've visited here often but haven't commented. Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing with us such a touching tribute to your uncle.
Sue

[Alana]

and he's with you in these beautiful words, too. Sending thoughts of warmth and comfort...

[Vicki]

0h Luisa, I'm so sorry to hear about you're uncle Oreste. It sounds like he loved you tremendously and I know you have wonderful memories of him. Thank you for sharing with us.

[Pia]

You bring your Uncle Oreste alive with your words, Luisa. Thank you for sharing a person so obviously close to your heart.

[Amelia]

Beautiful piece about your uncle. Very sorry to hear about his passing. -A

[bellini]

This is a wonderful tribute to your uncle and to your family. It is easy to see that he will be sadly missed.

[Victoria]

Dear Luisa,

I am so sorry for you and for your family. It's a heavy blow and so unexpected.

He is honored by your beautiful words and lives in the hearts of those who love him.

[Stephanie]

Lovely thoughts. My father died a few years ago and I think about his passing in a similar way: he's still around as long as there are people around who cherish his memory and who think about him when doing things he would have loved.

[Brian]

What a beautiful tribute and remembrance, Luisa. I'm so sorry for your family's loss, thinking of you all.

[Valerie]

Beautifully written. I'm sorry for your loss. Had a loss this week too and these thoughts really resonate with me.

[dervla]

oh Luisa, so sorry about the passing of your uncle. I think after that incredible eulogy he's probably hanging around your blog also. Thinking of you and your mom and family. Love, d

[jenny]

so sorry to hear about your uncle's passing, luisa. this is a beautiful tribute that celebrates what you and your family gained from a life beautifully lived. as long as you have these memories, he can never be lost to you.

[Suzy]

I'm sorry for your family Luisa that you have to be with out him.

[Liza]

Yes, you are right, he is all around you and will remain while you remember him in thoughts and deeds. There is a belief that no one is really gone until no one remains who remembers them. For those of us that remain it is a comforting thought I find.

Your tribute here is a lovely thing and means your Uncle is here to stay, now with us as well as you.

With sympathy for your loss and that of your family's.

[Rachel]

I'm very sorry to hear about your uncle. A loved one passing suddenly and too soon is always so hard. A good friend of mine left us recently, barely into her twenties. I haven't considered myself a Catholic for a few years now, and I too wonder what kind of path she is on. I like to imagine her sitting with her sketchbook in a pub somewhere, quiet and content. But mostly, I feel her when I wake and when I sleep, and every moment in between.

Thinking of you, and thank you.

[Lia]

Such a beautiful tribute to your uncle, Luisa. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family. xoxo

[Christine]

I am so sorry to hear about you and your family's loss Luisa. Your uncle sounds like a wonderful man. Sending you lots of warm comforting thoughts.

xoxo

[Chloe]

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Stephanie]

Thank you for bringing your uncle to life for us, Luisa. My condolences to you and your family.

[Joel]

This moving testimonial to your uncle will allow your coming blogs to shine that much brighter, my prayers are with you and your family.

[sonya]

Luisa,
What a beautiful and moving portrait of your uncle. (And, might I add, what a wonderful name Oreste is!) I am so sorry for your - and your family's - tremendous loss.

[Kristin]

Luisa; I am so sorry to hear about your uncle, but what a lovely post commemorating his life. And I agree--I think he resides now in all those places with all of you (and I am sure he has a great big grin on his face after reading your post!). --Kristin

[Deanna]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Aunt when she was far too young as well. I think that she is with me whenever I am cooking, especially if I am making something chocolate based. I feel like people we've lost are always closer when we're cooking something they would have enjoyed eating.

[agatha]

i'm so sorry for your loss. your writing honors his and your family's memory of him. my condolences to you and your family in this difficult time.

[Monica]

Condolences to you and your family, Luisa.

I've been facing a lot of family losses, as aunts and uncles grow older, decline, pass away. I love the thought of them being all around us--and it feels true, even months and years after we've lost them.

Thank you for your memories, and the example of how we can hold our loved ones near.

[Traci]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Tracy A.]

Hi Luisa.

My dad just passed away on Thanksgiving. I have this very new feeling about death now: that we have a duty to keep the memories alive and, even more so, live in a way that honors our loved ones. It's the passing of a precious torch. We really do illuminate one another, don't we?

May you and your family keep your Uncle Oreste's torch shining bright.

[Adrienne]

My sincere condolences to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Omar]

Beautiful, like so many of your posts.

[kickpleat]

What a lovely tribute to an awesome man! I loved seeing the photos and hearing the stories, what a beautiful way to share. Thank you!!

[Veronica]

My condolences to you and your family. As usual, you've written beautifully - a warm eulogy for what sounds like a wonderfully warm man.Thank you for sharing.

[Kate]

What a lovely tribute! Your writing, coupled with the photos, made me feel as though I'd met your uncle. My sympathies and prayers are with you.

[TheKitchenWitch]

This was such a heartfelt tribute to your uncle. I, too, don't come from a churchgoing family, and in times like yours, I envy those who have faith to assure them that the path ahead is one of grace and peace.

However, I like your version of things much more. He's around his loved ones, watching.

[Janet]

My thoughts are with you. Your words and spirit are heartwarming in what must be a difficult time. Peace be with you and yours.

[Anna]

So sorry. This is a beautiful tribute, and the kind spirit you mention seems evident in the pictures.

[Jess]

Just seeing this, Luisa. Thank you for sharing these pieces of your uncle's story here. Thinking of you, and your family. xo.

[anya]

This is a beautiful goodbye letter to your uncle, Luisa. My condolences to you and your family.

[jonquil]

Swift journey, Oreste! May time comfort the bittersweet into the sweetest of memories.

[Shila]

Hi Luisa,

I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories of Oreste. I can almost imagine him now.

[Judy at 2 Broads Abroad]

What a beautiful rendering of a loved one. Families are complicated, love is not. So sorry for your loss.

[Evy]

Prayers sent your way. God Bless you and your family.