Mark Bittman's Tomato Jam

You know what's funny? It just occurred to me that in a little less than 24 hours, I'm going to be on my honeymoon in Greece. What's not so funny is that that sounds terrifying. Because in the meantime, sometime in the course of this day, I have to attach the manuscript of my book (at last count clocking in at just under 100,00 words) to an email and send it to my editor. And then I have to get up from my desk, turn off the computer and go away for two whole weeks.

Sometime soon, when I have a little more time, I'd love to tell you more about what a psychological trip this whole writing-a-book experience has been. There have been so many moments of absolutely hideous self-doubt, treacherous late-night thoughts about failure and a lot of real frustration, anger and sadness. But there have also been these strangely exhilarating moments, too, like the other night when I was really killing a chapter and I suddenly felt so seized with energy and power and happiness, yes, that my hands started to tremble as I typed.

That feeling, in that moment, was worth all of the other ugly stuff that came before. And right now, now that I'm scared stiff once again and am stuck trying to scrounge up a few more final words from my tired old brain and it's like squeezing water from a stone and I'm once again convinced that I am a hack and a fraud and should just go ahead and change my name to spare myself the humiliation of publication, I am trying to remember how glorious the other night felt.

Because that night I thought,

This feels so good that I never want to stop writing.

You guys, that was in the top five best feelings of my life, I'm sure of it. Right up there in the Number 2 spot.

I'm nowhere near done; my manuscript still needs a lot of work. There will be edits, rewrites, more edits, tears, self-doubt, misery and hopefully, along the way, a few more moments of that exhilarating happiness that crop up when you least expect them. But I did it. I got the first draft done, bird by bird, drip by drip.

I did it.

I did it.

Now because, as I mentioned, my brain right now is like a dry old stone, like a pumice stone that's been abandoned by the side of your bathtub for about three years and is practically cracking in half it's so dry, I'm going to keep the rest of this brief. (You have been so patient and so kind while I've been so quiet here lately that I feel awful leaving for two more weeks, but you understand, right? You know? That this isn't just a honeymoon for me and Max, but also the world's best-timed and most-needed vacation? That directly after pressing "send" on the most terrifying email of my life, I luckily have no choice but to go away and not turn on a computer for 13 whole blessed days?)

We are flying to Greece tomorrow to spend a week at a cousin's house on an island in the Cyclades and then, because we are honeymooners, we're going to spend an entire second week on the islands, too. Two entire weeks of vacation. I don't think I'll quite realize what kind of a luxury that is until we're there. We did not, when we booked the trip long before my appendicitis struck, have any idea that I would be writing up until the day before we left. I've never gone away on a vacation so unprepared. All I know is at what time the ferry to the island leaves Athens. I guess we'll figure out the rest when we get there.

A few weeks ago, back before I dove under entirely, I made a batch of this tomato jam. I'd come into some plum tomatoes for cheap and they were really good ones, thin-skinned and deep red and flavorful. I made the jam, barely paying attention, as with most things lately, other than writing. I filled two small jars with it and had just enough left to tide me over through lunch.

Tomato jam is a funny thing; sweet when you're expecting salty, savory when you're expecting sweet. I spread it on a piece of crusty bread and topped it with a fried egg, the gooey yolk sort of swimming into the hot, sweet jam. It made for a very tasty lunch-for-one-standing-up-at-the-counter and would have been an even better breakfast, especially if I had taken the time to sit down and eat like a civilized person. And perhaps added a few strips of bacon to the plate.

The original recipe says you have to consume the batch within a week or so, but I canned it with no ill effects by simply filling the very hot jam into sterilized jars, screwing the lids on tight and turning the jars upside-down until fully cooled.

I'm doing my best to hoard one jar for the depths of winter when we have no sun and no tomatoes and the pink sunsets that still steal across the sky these days are long gone. But I don't really get to complain yet. After all, I've got two weeks of sunshine awaiting me. Two weeks of beaches and books and walks and balanced meals and more tomatoes than I will probably know what to do with. Two weeks to spend time with Max and sleep in and go swimming and let the knot in my back unwind at last. Two weeks to remind myself every day that I did it, I did, and that that is the whole thing, the work, the accomplishment, the thing I set out to do. Two weeks to be grateful and happy for the chance.

And with that, I should go. I have to gather myself, have to let go, have to tell myself it's okay, have to tell myself to be proud, have to press send, have to howl with glee and terror, have to cry, just a little, have to pack, have to go.

I'll see you soon.

Mark Bittman's Tomato Jam

Makes 2 small jars with a little left over
Click here for the original recipe

1.5 pounds ripe plum tomatoes, cored and coarsely chopped
1 cup sugar
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
1 tablespoon fresh grated or minced ginger
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes or cayenne 

1. Combine all ingredients in a heavy medium saucepan, Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring often.

2. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, until mixture has consistency of thick jam, about 1 hour 15 minutes. Taste and adjust seasoning, then pour into hot, sterilized jam jars, screw the lids on and turn the jars upside down to cool completely.

Comments

[jif]

CONGRATULATIONS LUISA!!! SOOOOOO SOOOOO happy for you - the book and the honeymoon. All the more reason to unplug and enjoy!! (Although will be sad to miss you in Berlin this weekend). ENJOY - you deserve it! Can't wait to hear more about the process, etc, but later. After the break. Viel Spaß!!

[tita buds]

You are no hack, you are no fraud. You are in fact one of the best writers whose writings we've had the pleasure of reading. And we can hardly wait for your book.
Relax & have a great time at your honeymoon! :)

[Sylee]

Cheering you on for the final stretch, hooray!

[multikulinaria]

I wish - as some sort of local foodie friend - I could have easend some of the pain of the past months. Anyway, I guess thats inevitable part of the book writing process as much as the exhilarating joy. I'd like to re-assure you, that there is no need to be frightened about the outcome of your book. Just from reading your blog, meeting you in person and knowing bits and pieces of the story, I'm 100% sure, it will be heart-warming and mouth-watering alike. I can't wait to get my copy... Congratulations!
Have wonderful holidays!

[Lindsay]

You're a superb writer, never doubt that! Have a great holiday, you deserve it...

[Suzy]

Dude, respect.

[Shira]

This might be just the thing for the last of the summer tomatoes growing outside. The freezer is growing too full for more sauce, and I wonder whether this would be just the thing with cheese.

Enjoy what sounds like a lovely holiday.

[Anna]

Congratulations Luisa! I have never commented here before but I've been following you almost from the very beginning. I cook your recipes often (this week it's been date cake, blueberry buckle and let-me-go-free spaghetti) - when one of my flatmates ask me where I found a recipe, I reply simply "It's Luisa's". At the risk of sounding like a crazy stalker, I just wanted to send you a big congratulations. No one ever deserved a holiday more! Have a magical time.

[Merle]

Have fun!

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1047505248]

congratulations! two weeks away..just in time to remove the 'i should've/shouldn't have' temptation. certain that This Book is wonderful, i wish you the best time & safe travels!

[Anna]

Have a wonderful trip! And thank you for this post - I have recently fallen in love with tomato jam, and am reading as many recipes for it as I can.

[Annika]

Have a great vacation! You so deserve it.

[Anya Sokha]

Luisa, congratulations with your first draft! You are one brave, brave woman.

[Bbie]

Oh Luisa, come on: you have no equal in the world of foodblogging! Really! Congratulations on the draft, I hope you'll allow the thrill of accomplishment take over all the selfquestionining stuff that life is sprinkled with...COMPLIMENTI!!!

[BF]

you!!!!!!!!!

congrats x 1000, luisa. you did it. i knew you could, and i hope your vacation is incredible.

(also, that last paragraph you wrote above blew me away)

[Katie]

See all the lovely support you have? Take that with you. And thanks for taking us with you as well.

[Emily]

Oh Luisa... your writing is so beautiful, personal, and luminous. The best of us are often full of self-doubt but hold onto those moments of triumph! Have a lovely, sun and tomato filled honeymoon!

[Sara]

You can bottle up that feeling hopefully to get you through! I have never been certain about the idea of tomato jam--though, yes, of course it's technically a fruit. Maybe I should try it while they are still delicious and ripe and seasonal. Meanwhile, have a great honeymooon--perfect destination!

[Michelle]

Have a wonderful time. Stand 10 feet tall and be a proud woman.

[dervla]

PRESS SEND! You're done, congratulations! Now go on your holidays with Max. The end.

[Lisa (dinner party)]

Cheering for you over here! The book is going to be great, I know it. Have a wonderful trip.

[Nicky]

Congratulations Luisa! You have probably sent the first draft in by now - really really well done. I have just starting writing my first book, and it is nerve wrecking, but you are so right, when it is happening, and you are writing, and it is going well, it does feel like one could write forever and ever, and more than that. I am excited for you, and cannot wait to buy your book when it is ready.

I wish you every blessing one your honeymoon, and hope you will really enjoy Greece, and the islands. May it be filled with light, laughter and love.

Have an amazing holiday.

[Ellen]

Good luck good luck good luck with the last push for now! You're almost there!

[emily]

these are most beautiful words. i almost feel newly-married-headed-off-on-a-honeymoon-with-a-manuscript-sent-to-the-editor myself after reading this post. and tomato jam, too? thank you.

[Gemma]

congratulations! have a wonderful wonderful holiday/honeymoon and we'll be here waiting to see your photos from the cyclades and to cheer you through the editing process when you get back.

xo

[Jen]

Congrats! I can't wait to buy your book. Enjoy your vacation!

[janna]

Enjoy the honeymoon. As a long time reader, I absolutely cannot wait for your book to be released. Maybe then you will be content in knowing that so many people are enjoying the fruits of your hard labor :)

[Molly]

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox!

[gemma]

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Kathryn]

Congratulations, Luisa! I know that feeling about writing...it can be so tumultuous! But hopefully worth it in the end. Can't wait to buy the book and ENJOY your honeymoon, you deserve it!

[Shauna from Piece of Cake]

Ahhhh...!!! That was sort of supposed to be an exhilarated sigh. Well done! Enjoy your down time.

[TJoyner]

Have a great time in Greece. I lived there for five years and miss it a lot. I met my husband while stationed in Ano Glyfada outside of Athens. We went exploring every weekend and holiday. It is very easy to slow down...the island pace is just that...relaxing, what's the hurry. I made some tomato jam the middle of last month. I got the recipe from Food in Jars and this is pretty close. Have a great time!

[noelle]

Bon voyage to you and the manuscript! Cue the Flashdance song!

[Kristin wyowoman]

whoooo-hooo!

[Lily]

I've been reading your blog for ages, and have never commented before (yes, I'm one of those people who is more shy about anonymous internet things than real life things, weird, I know)

But: I just wanted to tell you that I can't wait to read your book! Congrats on finishing the first draft! Have a lovely honeymoon, you've certainly earned it :)

[Kathryn]

It's just been such a pleasure reading your blog. I have no doubts that your book will be as great a read. Safe travels, and enjoy your honeymoon :)

[starr miller]

You have accomplished a dream....enjoy this and your trip to Greece. Ahhh the food will be inspiring and invigorating. Let it happen.

[Courtney]

Congrats!!!

So I totally happy you posted this! I went to the market last week and got some tomato jam and my little ones love it!! I wanted to start looking for a recipe and well yours seems great and I am happy it popped up in my google reader today!

[Ivan Scott]

Writer? No, you're an author. And a best seller at that. A combination of good reading & good cooking. Come back soon (but have a lovely honeymoon first).

[alisonbeckner]

Thanks for the reminder about this great recipe. I live between Athens and Paris and right now (in Athens) we have more tomatoes than we know what to do with. And grapes...

If you need any Cycladic advice please don't hesitate. I just got back from two weeks on the island my husband is from. There are some pics here: http://themoonlighters.tumblr.com/

Local food shots coming this weekend. Sooo inspiring.

Enjoy!

[Adrianne]

You know, I went to Greece on my honeymoon too, (Ios & Naxos) and it was so gorgeous and relaxing and wonderful that the memory of it always fills me with calmness and deep sweet happiness. I'm sure it will be the same for you. Congratulations! I can't wait to read your book!

[tara]

you did it! yes, yes, you did! hoorays all around.

[Dorothee]

Godspeed! and Enjoy.

[Kris B]

You did it. That's big and deserves many gold stars.

[Serena]

Complimenti amica cara e godetevi le splendide vacanze!!
Poi tante tante foto!!!

[Stephanie]

Luisa, you did it!

I hope you have the most glorious, sunny and enchanting honeymoon with Max.

Congratulations!

[The Frosting on the Cake]

the recipe looks delicious, especially with the egg...have fun in greece!

http://thefrostingonthecakes.wordpress.com/

[radiogourmet.wordpress.com]

You DID it. First drafts are the hardest... the rest is going to be easy-peasy. Especially given your spirit, your spunkiness and your sense of humor.

FELICITATIONS!

By now you're almost on a ferry to the Greek islands... we hope to finally see you again in October when we're both back in this neck of the woods.

And thanks for that tomato jam recipe... darn, must you always be so inspiring?

[Jen]

I hope you have a fantastic honeymoon and don't take any of those worries with you!

[ruthie @ the twice bitten]

SO so pleased for you Luisa, have the best time on your honeymoon. Ive been having a dark weekend of self doubt, it aint fun but I'm hoping i'll get one of those good moments t some point if I put on the graft. Your post has been the push I need. Thank you.x