A week before the wedding, I had a little case of dress regret. I'd bought the first dress I tried on back in December (on my birthday, no less, if that isn't a sign) on a stroll up the Ku'Damm and then basically forgot all about it. (That's what having a book manuscript due six weeks after your wedding will do to you: Put things in perspective.) Seven days out, then, I was suddenly unsure. Should I have gone long? Not done strapless? Had more lace? Luckily, there wasn't much I could do. Besides, I had the very distinct impression that this was my equivalent of cold feet. I gave myself a stern little talking-to (along the lines of "your dress is very pretty and it is way too late to do anything about it and also you are an idiot") and got over it.
When I got to Italy, my mother and father were waiting for me. A little treat for me, since I rarely have the two of them in the same place at once. We spent a few days running errands, making zucchini flower frittata for lunch and discussing wedding stuff. (My father: "I still cannot believe you aren't having any music." Me: "..." My father: "Really? Are you really telling me you're not going to have any music?" Me: "Nope, no music. None." My father: "I'm pretty sure that's the worst idea ever." Me: "..." My father:"...!")
The concerned father in question, searching for wedding music on Youtube to convince his stubborn daughter to change her mind and instead getting lost down a rabbit hole of Beniamino Gigli recordings from the 1920's.
There were important things to take care of in those final days before the wedding, like asking our five-year-old friend Emma if she wanted to be our flower girl (she did!) and then bringing her a small basket full of lavender heads with which she solemnly practiced, after her grandmother demonstrated how to walk down an aisle majestically, regally casting flower buds to the left and right. (In case you are wondering how she did in the face of 100 unknown guests a week later, I can only say that she should be hired out for all future royal wedding work - she was perfection.)
Another person who should seriously look into an alternate career if being a biologist and professor at some point no longer proves interesting to her is my stepmother Susan, who not only corralled a bunch of my girlfriends into a color-coordinated wildflower picking spree by the side of the road to Urbino the day before the wedding, but then turned the patch of grass behind the house into a veritable florist's workshop the next day, producing the most carefree, beautiful flower arrangements that she popped into glasses my mother found in the dining room cabinets and filled with gravel from the driveway. Also perfection.
Some of the loveliest bits of the days leading up to the wedding were all the busy, crowded dinners we had outside on the stone patio. Each day, more family and friends arrived and each evening, more and more chairs and plates were pulled out and put to use. With so much of my life divided and compartmentalized in different countries and continents, having all these people in the same place at the same time made me so happy. I might have even thought this was the best thing about the wedding.
Until the wedding itself.
Behold our first pasta course! Passatelli alla portolotta, or breadcrumb pasta with teeny tiny clams and other shellfish sautéed with tomatoes and probably a little bit of garlic and parsley. There was a second pasta course, too (that's how things are done in Italy, I swear), tagliatelle with meat ragù, and then branzino with stuffed tomatoes and skewers of breaded, grilled shrimp and calamari and there was rabbit, too, roasted with wild fennel and potatoes. And salad.
But I, for one, gave up after the passatelli up there. I spent the most amount of energy in terms of wedding planning on figuring out the menu (our caterer wanted sushi! In the rural hills of Italy! And I have a bit of a hard time handing out emphatic No-Freaking-Way-Are-You-Kidding-Mes so the negotiations dragged for a bit with me being all polite and we would really prefer a rustic, country thing and him being all, but signorina it's your weddddddddding) and then on the evening of the wedding itself I took one look at the food and lost all my appetite instantly. Furthermore, I realized I didn't even care anymore if anyone else liked it. I'd just had the most spectularly moving experience of my entire life and that was all that mattered. Is still all that matters. So was the food any good? Who knows, you'll have to ask one of our guests.
The day after the wedding, I walked out to the transparent tent set on the edge of our land and found a bunch of detritus in the grass. A few place cards that my mother-in-law hand-lettered the morning of the wedding. The wooden stumps my friend Dietrich sawed up for me and that we used as the table number holders (now they're picture frames at the apartment in Berlin). And a prop from the photographer's photobooth set-up. I found a few more props over the next days, including a dapper little brown mustache on a stick. I took that with me, too. I would have taken the entire tent with me if I could have.
We toasted with leftover Champagne over the next few evenings as our guests slowly left. And I told my cousin's daughter Giulia, who was still bubbling with the excitement of the wedding, that the next wedding we'd celebrate would be hers. She's only 12, so we've got a few years to wait.
And then it was all over and the house got very quiet and I took a hundred more photos of the sun casting its special evening light over everything, the way I do every evening when I'm there, every year that I go. It felt a little dreamlike, then, the fact that only days before people had gathered right there to eat and dance and celebrate with us. Now it was just ours again, filled with the incessant chirps, whirrs, hoots and warbles of the insect and animal kingdown all around us, and the insistent wind blowing, ever-steady, through the acacias and the olive trees. But I see it with different eyes now. Or the same eyes, but a different heart.
What a wonderful wedding; the dress and setting are perfect and it sounds like the most magical experience.
Posted by: Kathryn | July 6, 2011 at 04:25 AM
I totally agree with Kathryn. Magical is the right word. Years from now, when you look back at pictures or your wedding dress itself, and it still looks beautiful to you, you will realize it how perfect it was. You will never have to hit your forehead and say WHAT was I thinking? It is lovely and elegant and oh so you.
Everything else looks wonderful too - the food, the flowers, your friends, your family.
Best wishes to you both. May you have all the happiness this world has to offer.
Posted by: Victoria | July 6, 2011 at 04:42 AM
It sounds like a beautiful wedding. Congratulations and here's to many more wonderful, loving years!
Posted by: Karinvd | July 6, 2011 at 05:12 AM
thank you for allowing us to share in your marvelous day. so classic that the italian caterer wanted sushi. italian country food? for your WEDDING?? with no realization that to most of us the fresh, simple, local of italian country food is the height of luxury.
congratulations on your beautiful wedding day, and all best for a long and happy life together.
looking forward to the book - what a year you are having!
Posted by: chinese grandma | July 6, 2011 at 05:21 AM
a) sounds like one of those weddings you dream of!! :)
b) I'll be along with your concerned father!
c) sushi in rural Italy?!? Not so much...
d) that dress was gorgeous in all its simplicity! I love simplicity.
And finally e) how do you make that pasta with breadcrumbs dish?
Posted by: Jessika | July 6, 2011 at 06:07 AM
More on the wedding, yay!! I love weddings. It all looks perfect, the dress, the food, the flowers, the setting - simply amazing!! The only food I tasted at our wedding was one roast potato and then dessert. After the ceremony (!?) I was suddenly very sick with nerves and couldn't eat. The potato I ate because my physician brother in law basically made me, saying I would get worse if I didn't eat at all. By the time the dessert buffet was up, I had recovered and ate heartily. :))
Posted by: Honeybee | July 6, 2011 at 06:52 AM
Thank you for sharing these intimate glances into your thoughts about the wedding. What a beautiful dress but I know those moments of self doubt. Your wedding was very, very beautiful and natural. The best kind, in my book.
I have found, in my B&B, that there are very few bad things that a frittata of zucchini flowers can't cure. Oh, and goat cheese and fig jam (but of course this is Piemonte :)
Posted by: diana | July 6, 2011 at 07:24 AM
Can I just say that your laid-back, simply prosaic description of your wedding gives me hope? I am so far away from married, but I continually contend that if/when the day comes I will also be the type who doesn't stress over dress or bouquet and prefers the handmade over the commercial---but people act like bride-zilla-hood is inevitable. You are awesome, Luisa. Congratulations.
Posted by: Sarah | July 6, 2011 at 07:29 AM
beautiful.
Posted by: jennie | July 6, 2011 at 08:03 AM
That looks beautiful, as does your dress! An Italian countryside wedding, goodness it sounds like a movie doesn't it? I'm glad it was real for you though, congratulations and all the best for you and your new husband.
Posted by: The Hungry Traveler | July 6, 2011 at 08:20 AM
Once again, Luisa, I am glad you are posting in Europe, because once again I am moved to tears by a post. And at least, reading in NYC first thing in the morning, I haven't yet put on the mascara that would otherwise be trickling down my cheeks. This was lovely. I adore the photo of the long table, with, at the end, two matching men with matching blissed-out, eyes-closed smiles. Also your perfect dress.
Thank you for inviting us.
Posted by: Carolwallace.wordpress.com | July 6, 2011 at 08:22 AM
what a lovely time! we had no music at our wedding until dinner, and my parents were a little shocked too. You look stunning, I love the dress. and oh, am I drooling over that zucchini flower fritata!
Congratulations on your new adventure!
Posted by: lauren@spicedplate | July 6, 2011 at 08:28 AM
Thank you for transporting us lucky readers to your most intimate and magical day. It is so lovely to read your words -- they remind me of what I felt on my special day too, but you've said it far more eloquently than I ever could. So glad you've had this beautiful experience -- may it be the harbinger for many more amazing and beautiful days to come.
Posted by: Dianne | July 6, 2011 at 08:57 AM
It's a dream..
Posted by: Gabriele | July 6, 2011 at 09:08 AM
I also had no music at mine until after dinner, and then it was just a Pandora mix. Congrats to you Luisa!! It sounds wonderful. I'm so happy for you!! xoxo
Posted by: ann | July 6, 2011 at 09:11 AM
Congratulations! Sounds like you had a great day. I read that you looked lovely in your dress and that the food was great!
I've been to Italy many times, but never to Urbino - maybe next time?
Posted by: Giulia | July 6, 2011 at 09:21 AM
I'm so glad it was just as you wanted and that so many of your nearest and dearest could be there to help you celebrate. The dress, the food and the setting are fine but it's really the people that make a celebration and a wonderful memory, isn't it?
Posted by: Zoomie | July 6, 2011 at 09:25 AM
You are a wonderful woman. I am so happy for you both and this amazing experience that you had and the many more that are about to unfold. Cheers!
Posted by: Michelle | July 6, 2011 at 10:05 AM
as a longtime reader, I can say with certainty that you deserve all this happiness and more, luisa. may the beauty of this day foretell a long and beautiful life together. best wishes.
Posted by: jenny | July 6, 2011 at 10:18 AM
What a beautiful dress!
Posted by: Charlotte | July 6, 2011 at 10:21 AM
Beautiful from beginning to end...
Posted by: merle | July 6, 2011 at 11:06 AM
Beautiful, friend.
Posted by: Molly | July 6, 2011 at 11:19 AM
P.S. I lost my appetite after a few bites of our wedding food, too. We had thought so much about it, and I was so proud of it, but when the moment came, I hardly cared. We wound up eating a ton of leftovers late that night, back in our hotel room, and that was the best part.
Posted by: Molly | July 6, 2011 at 11:22 AM
Ahh how beautiful. I love when everyone is all together, happy, at the same time. I want a wedding like yours one day! And by the way, your dress is wonderful.
Posted by: Amy | July 6, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Congratulations!! How beautiful it all sounds, even with the stresses! ;-) WHat beautiful, fond memories you have now. Best wishes!!
Posted by: Jillian_R | July 6, 2011 at 02:05 PM
Gosh, so lovely. If I ever get married, I hope for a fraction of this beauty.
Posted by: Jillian | July 6, 2011 at 03:20 PM
This is exquisite!
Posted by: Jen Z | July 6, 2011 at 04:20 PM
Oh, Luisa.
HOO-ah to the whole kit and caboodle.
I could NOT be more tickled for you and signor Max.
(And I so adore your DIY spirit. We were married 16 years ago, still in university, poor as dirt. All family-and-friends food/facilities/flower girls/and, yes, music [good to have aunts in the orchestra]. It was magical. Perfection. Wouldn't have it any other way.)
Care for each other well.
xo,
Molly
Posted by: Molly | July 6, 2011 at 04:57 PM
I actually love the dress. A wedding dress with pockets is always a winner in my book.
As for the food. Oh my...
I'm getting married in a year, the menu is all planned and I haven't thought about the rest.
Priorities.
Posted by: the twice bitten | July 6, 2011 at 05:07 PM
Perfection, indeed. Thank you for telling us about it. Much happiness to you and Max.
Posted by: Monica | July 6, 2011 at 08:52 PM
So beautiful. And I love the picture of the light in Italy - just perfection. And your wedding sounds like such fun. I too, didn't eat much of the food at my wedding but the caterer packed up a box of some things (roasted eggplant, mushrooms and some yummy satays) for us to take home with us. It was delicious snacking as we talked through the day.
Posted by: Charlotte | July 7, 2011 at 01:55 AM
So beautiful, congratulations to you both.
G x
Posted by: Gemma | July 7, 2011 at 02:31 AM
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.....and one more beautiful.
Posted by: Suzy | July 7, 2011 at 02:41 AM
The deal with the sushi is laugh out loud funny!! Di :)
Posted by: Diana | July 7, 2011 at 03:14 AM
thanks for these photos and beautiful insights. the light does seem so lovely. i hope you're still feeling that fuzzy warm feeling inside. it will help you finish your book! best of luck with that!
Posted by: mary | July 7, 2011 at 03:42 AM
What a fantastically happy time with your family and friends on your very special day. Congratulations!
Posted by: Maureen | July 7, 2011 at 04:22 AM
This looks like it was an utterly beautiful day! Congratulations!!
Posted by: Lindsay | July 7, 2011 at 11:22 AM
Love that photo of everyone at the table! And that dress was amazing, don't second guess it.
Posted by: dervla | July 7, 2011 at 02:18 PM
congratulations and thanks for taking us lucky readers on a mini-trip to italy, i can nearly taste the bread-crumb pasta and hear the cicadas! beautiful and special.
Posted by: Epicurea | July 7, 2011 at 04:18 PM
A beautiful, touching post. It just goes to show that it's not the food that draws me to 'food blogs', it's the wonderful, moving writing. Congratulations on what sounds like an extraordinary day.
Posted by: Carly | July 7, 2011 at 06:30 PM
I would like to live in that closing paragraph, L.
Posted by: Jess | July 7, 2011 at 06:43 PM
it is apparent that you enjoy life and its colors and textures and we all enjoy seeing through your eyes, dear young lady; I hope and pray that you have a life of kaleidoscopic marvels...onward to creative blog postings as you live your days and nights as the wife of your beloved!
Posted by: rose | July 7, 2011 at 07:23 PM
Oh, I love everything about this. (Dress included!) Congratulations again. Never thought I'd be so happy for someone who lives inside my computer!
Posted by: laziza | July 8, 2011 at 01:01 PM
Beautiful writing as always!
Posted by: evy | July 8, 2011 at 08:43 PM
Firstly congratulations! Isn't it strange that the mode is for the unusual at wedings. I had the biggest time convincing the Italian hotel where I had my wedding that I wanted a traditional Abruzzo wedding with all the food sourced within mere miles. Here it is: http://thegraphicfoodie.blogspot.com/2010/08/big-eating-day-abruzzo-wedding-menu.html
Posted by: The Graphic Foodie | July 9, 2011 at 01:12 PM
It often happens that after carefully planning an important meal you loose hunger and you simply nurture yourself with smiles, dear souls and love. All the best.
Posted by: Lucia | July 10, 2011 at 07:01 AM
Thank you so much for sharing this incredible day with us Luisa! It's so beautiful, I feel as if I were right there experiencing some of the moments you write about alongside you. I could not be happier for you and Max!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so excited for you two and for all the adventures ahead :). I'm getting married in less than three weeks and your story is making me even more excited.
Posted by: mai truong | July 10, 2011 at 11:31 AM
Thanks for sharing this beautiful day! And now for the best part, you get to be married! Being married is awesome. Enjoy the journey ahead....
Posted by: Michelle | July 10, 2011 at 06:41 PM
I've only just come to your blog and wanted to thank you for this enchanting post. Food, family, joy, sunlight, Italy: all my favourite things. Glorious; thank you.
Posted by: Tania Kindersley | July 11, 2011 at 08:37 AM
Congratulations! I wanted to post on your prior entry but it wouldn't let me ... it brought tears to my eyes to read about how incredibly happy you are.
I wish you and your new husband a happy and amazing future together!
Posted by: Eleana | July 11, 2011 at 05:56 PM