Gluten-Free For a Day

It's just past 7:00, the sky is still that grayish mauve, and I'm standing in the kitchen, rooting through our cupboards. A mug of milky tea, brewed by Ben for me while I still lay in bed, blinking away the fog of my final dream of the night, is on the counter next to me, steam twisting off of it like a gossamer scarf. I pluck a few dried figs from a plastic packet and chew them as I contemplate a can of oatmeal, a box of Grape-Nuts, a stale chocolate cookie meant for the trash. But none of them will do for my breakfast, you see, because today I'm going gluten-free. And I'm totally unprepared.

Never mind, I tell myself, and get ready for work. I pass a Whole Foods on the way to the office, and I'll just stop in there to collect my breakfast - after all, it's probably a mecca for someone who can't tolerate gluten because they suffer from celiac disease. I ride the train into the city, looking out at the passing neighborhoods, seeing the skyline grow closer. My stomach rumbles. Why am I doing this again?

Shauna, at Gluten-Free Girl, was diagnosed with celiac disease just a few years ago. After a lifetime of mysterious illness, she finally knew the culprit: gluten, those little strands of protein found in wheat and barley and rye and oats. All she'd have to do to feel better is cut out the gluten from her life entirely. No more bread, no more pasta, no soy sauce, no blue cheese. But instead of feeling deprived, like I'm sure I'd feel, Shauna was empowered by her diagnosis. She saw it as a new lease on life. With her first book now for sale, she's working tirelessly to make other celiac sufferers feel less alone, less deprived, less lost in this whole maze of labels and warnings and restrictions.

I can't really imagine life with a restriction like that. I have no food allergies and my pickiness is contained to a green herb or two. So I've decided to challenge myself, walk a day in someone else's shoes, and go gluten-free the whole day long. Easy-peasy, right? Well, I'm at Whole Foods, having walked past the display of fresh muffins and scones - all of them off-limits - and am standing in the cereal aisle, completely overwhelmed. Almost everything is off-limits. The things that seem like they might be okay don't explicitly say so. The one box that is gluten-free is Bob's Red Mill hot cereal, which I know Shauna's written about, but I can't fix hot cereal at the office. So I grab a yogurt (after staring at the label for what feels like ages) and a sweet bar of sesame seeds and quinoa and march off to work, feeling somewhat defeated.

My breakfast is odd - too sweet and too processed - and I can't help but feel a little resentful. Wasn't Whole Foods supposed to make this easy for me? Never mind - lunch will be different. I'm meeting a good friend at City Bakery, where the salad bar's panoply of fresh vegetables and interesting grains is certain to satisfy. Except once I get there and pace back and forth in front of the platters of food, I'm wracked with nerves. The chicken's off-limits due to the breadcrumb coating on one version and the soy sauce in the other. Ditto for the Chinese noodles, the quesadillas, the cornbread-crusted catfish. I ask about the King Ranch casserole, timidly volunteering that I'm gluten-free and feeling like an absolute fraud, but all I get is an apologetic shrug - no one knows if it's gluten-free and I'm not feeling brave enough to insist on an answer.

Eventually, I choose stewy red peppers, mushrooms with herbs, roasted Jerusalem artichokes and, after much deliberation, three rectangles of marinated tofu with chili sauce. I feel lost and ignorant and it frustrates me to no end. It's delicious, of course, but something else I hate to admit bubbles up inside me - it'd taste so much better with a piece of bread to mop it up. Two meals, and I'm already waving a white flag? Pathetic, I know. My admiration for Shauna's enthusiasm and gusto only grows.

Luckily, the afternoon is so busy with work that I entirely miss my usual four o'clock slump when I have to skulk to the vending machine for a packet of pretzels that get me through until dinner. After work, I walk over to Grand Central, where I've been invited to a private tasting event at Grand Central Market. (Which makes me wish I had my daily commute from there instead of Penn Station - Wild Edibles and Penzeys and Murray's Cheese and so many others under one roof? It's amazing.) I say no to caviar on blini, salmon on toast, delicate pastries, coconut-crusted chicken. A plate of antipasti rolls by and I snag a few sundried tomatoes, a mini ball of mozzarella and later on, a delectable slice of Constant Bliss. But I keep having to pipe up about the wheat and the gluten and no one seems to know - I get blank looks, apologetic shrugs, and well-meaning offers of "vegetarian meatballs, with breadcrumbs!". Eventually, it all gets to be too much, but before I leave, the kindly folks at Zaro press a plastic bag of fresh bread in my hands. I smile at the irony and say my goodbyes.

I call Ben from the station - he's at home with fresh fish that he bought for dinner. With me on the phone, he goes through our cupboards: two boxes of couscous (no and no), some pasta (no). I wonder, in irritation, if dinner tonight for me will be fish and nothing else. But then, Ben triumphantly announces the discovery of a few grains of wild rice mix - we're on. When I finally arrive home, the scent of fresh bread wafting tauntingly from my bag, I'm exhausted. We sit down to dinner - pan-roasted tilapia, more beet salad, and wild rice, nourishing and wholesome. But for some reason, I barely enjoy the meal.

It hasn't been so bad, my gluten-free day, if I'm honest, but the constant vigilance is what gets to me. Every day you have to be on your toes, aware, not afraid to ask or refuse or reorder. Your health and well-being is on the line and no amount of eye-rolling or dogged questioning can deter you. I will never forget Shauna's experience in the Atlanta airport after returning from Italy - and that's what's on my mind the most tonight as I chew. Because I take food for granted, I do. As well as my good health.

My eyes have been opened.

Comments

[Leah]

Wonderful post, Luisa. Thank you for writing it. I had to go gluten-free for a year and a half. I've got terrible digestive problems and we thought maybe gluten was to blame. It wasn't, but that year and a half taught me a lot! The problems are still there, and now I'm about to embark on a whole different set of restrictions. Because it turns out it's not the gluten, it's the carbohydrates. My body has an incredibly difficult time breaking them down. So yes, that means bread, rice, pasta, potatoes, cereals, beans... Once I'm better, I'll be able to indulge, but even then only a little.

Anyway, enough about me! That's what my blog is for, right? Those of us who love food will always find a way around it. I hope Shauna (and others) inspire everyone else to never take food, life, and love for granted!

[radish]

I recall after a stomach complication having to go gluten free for a month - and it was so so difficult, it made Passover seem easy. It's really the constant vigilance and the fact that gluten is in so many things. Beautiful and honest post!

[Lisa (Homesick Texan)]

I haven't read Shauna's book yet, but I admire your stepping into her shoes for a day. Your observations of the stresses that come with the gluten-free territory just reinforce how inspirational Shauna's positive outlook is to those with (or even without) celiac disease.

Also, I had no idea they served King Ranch casserole (I reckon not gluten free) at City Bakery--I'll have to swing by there and try it.

[Casey]

A very interesting post. Participatory journalism of the best sort.

[Tammy]

Fabulous post. I just bought her book today, as a matter of fact.

[Tea]

What a fantastic way to write about gluten-free! Genius.

[Jessika]

I am severly allergic so some things and this is how it is. WIth time you learn the pitfalls though. You learn what works and what doesn't in terms of processed foods and the most easiest thing, for me anyway which is perfectly fine; I'm a foodie, is to cook for yourself, from start to finish. I have a friend whose husband is allergic to wheat etc. Doesn't have celiac disease but is allergic. Polenta, rice meal etc., is her best friend when cooking.
That takes away convenience. You stare into the shelves of semi-prepared or prepared foods and read the list of contents that has a type size that even an ant couldn't read. Any ailment that prevents you from eating certain things require a wide range of knowledge that you collect over time. I applaude your effort of trying :).

[wheatlessbay]

The first little while is hard, it's true, and some things never get it easy. Day one is the worst, as your excellent post records. But my husband and I now look back at the processed crap we used to eat when we could eat anything we wanted, and we realize how much better our food is now, health-wise and quality-wise. If we're out for the day and get hungry, then we buy a pair of apples and swear that we'll live to be a hundred like this. The apples have juice and sugar and aroma and flavour that beats most anything else on offer and we honestly never noticed all that before a medical condition forced us to choose apples over 99% of what the retailers-of-convenience are selling. Peversely, it's been a lucky thing.

[EB]

I'm so impressed that you were able to keep to being in Shauna's shoes all day. Especially attending a party like that! I think this was a fantastic experiment. Thanks!

[Hillary]

I really like your initiative here! You really put yourself in someone like Shauna's shoes for a day! Not everyone appreciates how much people with celiac disease have to go through...but then there are people like Shauna who write books with recipes that seem to make it easier.

[Faythe]

I have actually lived strictly gluten-free myself as well, and I did it for health reasons for a period of time. This experience enabled me to see where my gluten-free friends are coming from. I wish more people would think about where others are coming from and what they endure to make life work for them, which is a triumph and inspiration in itself. I'm sure glad you have.

[Mercedes]

I've been reading all the blogs about Shauna's book, and yours is by far the most powerful. It's easy for us to cook up a gluten-free recipe now-and-again, but you've highlighted the real everyday struggle. My boyfriend's mother was diagnosed with celiac about 30 years ago, but she's learned to handle it so well you'd never know. Bravo for your dedication in doing this!!

[almost vegetarian]

The more restrictions you have to put on your diet, the harder it is. All we are doing is trying to eat healthy, and that cuts out something like half the supermarket. So I can't imagine how challenging it would be to try to do that, and deal with an allergy or other complication.

Cheers!

[shauna]

My dear, when I read this first thing in the morning, I started crying. Even I forget how hard this can be, because I can't dwell on it. (And it does get easier once you make the transition.) In a way, I take it for granted — the constant querying, the foods I cannot have — because I have to be gluten-free. One smidge and I'm sick.

You, however, so beautifully, made this real for everyone reading. I have never seen someone write it so accurately, so powerfully. Who knows how many people will be changed by your words?

Thank you thank you thank you.

[Luisa]

Leah - oh yikes, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's such a struggle for so many people, but it's wonderful that the internet is a way for people to get a community and feel less alone in their path.

Lisa - yes, Shauna's strength and good humor is absolutely amazing, I really think it is. She takes all the despair and fear out of it for many people, I imagine, and gives them a place to rejoice in food again. Simply amazing. The King Ranch casserole is not a daily thing - I've only seen it there once or twice.

Casey, Tammy, Tea - thank you!

Wheatless Bay - you know, I don't think it's perverse at all. You learn to appreciate simple things much more, which is huge and so valuable. I can imagine that for a lot of people it's not an albatross, but a gift.

EB - thanks... I'm so glad I did it.

Mercedes - well, thank you!

Shauna - oh sweets, you're one strong lady and I admire you so much. No crying! You are a triumph.

[carrie]

Beautiful Luisa! And so true... but it does get easier and of course feeling better it completely worth it. As wheatless bay said, now we hardly eat any processed foods at home. Everything is homemade (other than those wonderful gluten-free Tinkyada noodles! Thank heavens for Tinkyada!) But as Shauna so eloquently describes in her book, gluten-free does not mean deprivation! I feel new and open. Being able to taste things I never would have before. Gluten-free really can be a glorious thing... for example, that butternut squash risotto you posted recently would fit the bill! Thank you for this wonderful post Luisa, that so beautifully describes what the beginning of the gluten-free process is like!

[Melissa]

Wonderfully said, and so true. I admire you to no end for walking a day in a celiac's shoes, including the torture of having to graciously accept a freshly-baked loaf of bread! After having lived around Europe, where overall awareness of gluten is very high (in Spain there were mainstream bakeries that baked their own fresh gluten-free bread, and in the UK, not only is every supermarket product labeled for gluten content but the government subsidizes the cost of gluten-free bread for those with a diagnosis), I have to hang my head in shame at America's ignorance. For a nation of 'health nuts' (ha!), we sure have a lot to learn.

[Susan from Food Blogga]

You know, a while back a doctor put me on a gluten-free diet b/c of stomach trouble. I'm a really healthy eater, and I was stunned at the number of foods I eat that have gluten. Um, almost everything! Fortunately, I don't need to avoid gluten, but I'm glad that markets are responding to people who do. It's really a difficult thing to navigate, isn't it? Great post.

[Deborah Dowd]

Shauna makes it seem so easy, it was refreshing to read how dietary restrictions of any kind can make life different if not harder! Thanks for an eye-opening post!

[Kate]

This is a lovely post.
You really capture those GF panic moments well - and the hunger!

Thank you for this, very much.
=)

[Lucy]

Great story... I find it really interesting to see what people think of the gluten free diet... it is just a different way of thinking.

Good on you for trying it out for a day... I know some people are so addicted to processed starches they think people are mad for trying this sort of a diet.

But it is certainly a happier healthier way to be.