Mark Bittman's Fideua

Ben's sister's boyfriend is a Spanish talent in the kitchen and he was the first one to introduce me to fideua, utter heaven if you love pasta and paella equally and don't know which to make for dinner. When I found a clipping for fideua in my recipe binders last night after work, I wanted nothing more than that for dinner. Little did I know what lay in store for me. For that Mark Bittman is a sneaky, sneaky fellow. I know I swore up and down I wouldn't cook anything of his again. After all, it was easy to go through my newspaper clippings and toss out all the ones headed with "The Minimalist". But I had forgotten about the recipes of his printed out in Word documents and filed in binders. In some cases, I forgot to note who they came from, and there they lurked, biding their time, until I came along and unwittingly snatched one up for suppertime. Curses!

I suppose I could have guessed, half-way through the cooking process last night, that something was amiss. I had short lengths of angel hair pasta scattered all around the recently cleaned kitchen: the floor, the stove, the countertops were covered. My brow was shiny with sweat and I kept snapping at Ben every time he tried to come close and help. The 12-inch pan called for in the recipe, to fit 1 pound of short pasta, was an absolute joke: every time I tried to stir the browning pasta, more of it ended up on unwanted surfaces. I came dangerously close to abandoning the recipe entirely, though in my wild-eyed state of hypoglycemia, I was still lucid enough to realize that might not be the best solution.

Instead, I dumped out a quarter of the pasta, turned my back on the gathering mess around me, and went to work, teeth gritted and all. I added saffron, sweet paprika and minced garlic to the toasted pasta in the pan and attempted to stir this altogether. Though more chaos in the kitchen ensued, I tried to focus on the dulcet tones of the Colbert Report emanating from the living room. I added clams and mussels and some water to the pan, and attempted to stir this. I kept trying to stir and adding more water to keep the pasta from burning for about 10 minutes, until the pasta seemed tender and the mollusks started opening. Then I added shrimps and scallops, and kept the heat on a few minutes longer to cook them through, before stirring in chopped parsley and turning off the stove.

We ate our fideua on the couch, plates balanced on our knees (it was too late for polite dinner conversation at the table), squeezing lemon over the seafood and chewing contentedly in silence. Because you know? It was pretty good. Those Spaniards know what they're doing with the saffron and the seafood and the deliciousness that ensues. If only the recipe transcriber, AHEM, could have done a better job of telling me to use less pasta to fit in the pan. But that's what I'm here for, to pass on my hard-won information to you. Despite throwing out a quarter of the pasta, I kept the seasonings and liquids called for. So if you do make this with the entire pound of pasta, you need to up the amounts of garlic and spices and stock. And be prepared to be on your hands and knees mopping the kitchen floor while you mutter angrily to yourself and your boyfriend wonders, safely in the other room, where his lovely girlfriend disappeared to.

Fideua (Spanish Pasta with Seafood)
Serves 4

4 tablespoons olive oil
1 pound fideo or very thin pasta, in 2-inch lengths or shorter
salt and pepper
1/2 teaspoon saffron threads
1 teaspoon sweet paprika
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 pound cockles or small clams, well washed
1 pound mussels, well washed
1/2 cup stock or water
8 to 12 large shrimp, shells on
4 to 8 sea scallops, cut in half through their equators
1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley leaves
Lemon wedges

1. Put oil in a skillet at least 12 inches across (I used this, which wasn't nearly big enough. I'd say you should use the 14-inch version or else this), and turn heat to medium-high. A minute later add noodles; sprinkle with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring almost constantly, until they darken. Try to avoid letting more than a few pieces blacken.

2. Add saffron, paprika and garlic, and stir for a minute more. Add clams and mussles and about 1/2 cup water or stock and continue to cook, stirring. Depending on how much liquid the clams and mussels release, you may have to add a little more liquid. Continue to cook and stir until the pasta is nearly tender, about 10 minutes.

3. Add shrimp and scallops and cook about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until cooked through. Stir in parsley, taste and adjust seasoning and serve with lemon wedges

Comments

[David L]

Funny you should write about Fedeau, since I just pulled out a bag of the noodles for it that I bought a while back in Catalonia! Next time you make it, you have to serve it with garlicky aioli. You stir a big spoonful of it into the warm pasta and it's great.

[tokyoastrogirl]

Oh Luisa- I have felt the frustration-bordering-on-rage after spending a couple of hours trying to cook with a poorly written recipe. Thanks for sharing your feelings on this. Although I certainly don't envy anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation, it was an entertaining read and I admire your perseverance. I think you've found a career as Bittman's recipe tester- clearly the man needs help!!

[Alanna]

How does he get away with it, truly?!

[Molly]

Hilarious as always, Luisa! Wow, you and Mark Bittman - I foresee a duel. Draw your weapon...

[Lindy]

I think I have mentioned before that I have the same problem with Bittman recipes. Someone gave me one of his cookbooks for my birthday, and I exchanged it at B and N. The sales person said he had the book and liked it. So who knows?

I just don't get it. His food so often sounds great-good combinations of ingredients, etc., and then just doesn't work for me.

It makes no sense for a mass media food writer not to properly test his recipes before sharing them, but what else could it be? But then why do others approve?

In contrast-I have noticed that everything I have ever made from the big yellow Gourmet cookbook (another book which aims to be pretty comprehensive) has behaved as it is supposed to. Not that everything is superb-but I have never had an ugly surprise. I think they are probably champ testers.

This actually looks very good and sounds dandy. Perhaps it might be an idea to try some other cook's version of this dish?

[Rebecca]

I had the same thing happen to me with the very first recipe I tried from the new Martha Stewart Baking book, the caramel nut bars just didn't work, and they were a lot of work and expensive ingredients. I was enraged! I agree with Lindy, recipes should be tested and re-tested before being published, especially from a mainstream chef like Bittman, or Martha Stewart. I would think their reputations depended on their recipes working for people.

[tanvi]

I saw a chef (Mario Batali I think) on Iron Chef make a similar dish, and was much intrigued. It's cool how the pasta is treated how rice is traditionally treated. Definetely on my must try list, though I have to figure out how to vegetarianize it first :-)

On a different note, I think my Chinese friends would be appalled at the breaking of noodles, which in their culture is supposed to symbolize long life.

[Julie]

I bought two Mark Bittman books quite a while ago but found I really didn't care for them. I have never cooked a single thing from them -- nothing seemed to interest me.

Of course, now that I've read about all the problems you've had with his recipes, I'm even less inclined to cook something from them.

Mark Bittman keeps publishing books and keeps writing his column so he must have his fans. He just doesn't appeal to me.

[lobstersquad]

next time, try the proper spanish way, sofrito first and then seafood and then the noodles. no burning and no fuss!

[Fran]

I agree with the last comment. Sofrito first, broth getting ready at the same time (saffron and whatever spices you have around,bit of thyme, bay, rosemary, all in balance). Plenty of liquid, by the way. At the end of the sofrito preparation you can add as many vegies as fit in the pan. The secret is in those two elements (broth and sofrito). As its rice cousin (paella) this is a dish to be made with whatever is around and/or in season.
I break the pasta so it is easy to eat and then I pour the broth so the vapor will soften the pasta. I do not even touch it until is soft and I can stir. By the way socarrat is heavenly, that is, you should purposely burn it (only a bit) to give it a bit of crunchy, burnny, smoky tasting bite.
Buen provecho.
Fran

[brad]

These comments about Mark Bittman's recipes are amazing to me...I've spent the last year and a half cooking nothing but Mark Bittman recipes, and I can only think of three or four dishes that weren't fantastic. My girlfriend, a good cook herself who's from France and used to be married to an award-winning chef, is a huge fan of Bittman and keeps asking me to make more stuff from his books. I really can't think of any significant complaints I've had with his recipes.

[Tatiana]

I know I'm WAY behind in this conversation, but had to add my two cents. Bittman recipes are not for exact cooks, nor for people who can't instinctively adjust as they go. Very few of his recipes work with super exacting measurements because I don't think that's how he cooks himself. If you can have just a little bit of personal leeway to adjust slightly as you go - typically quantities - you'll have no problems. Not for everyone, but it works for me. Overall I use his recipes as inspiration or base that can be adjusted according to taste time and laziness, some of them are perfect as is, many need a tad more liquid here, a sprinkle of something there... still a great writer who can truly inspire because you KNOW he loves food.

[Jose]

Hi! This is Jose from Spain. Thank your for your inspiration! I was browsing for Fideua and... Is this the same picture?!
http://www.recetasgratis.net/Receta-de-Fideua--Caldo-Gallina-Blanca-receta-32858.html
I will cook it anyway on Sunday for my daughter's birthday!
Merry Christmas

[visca barca]

stop I am yearning for a trip to Barcelona.

I will try to make it. agree with adding aioli.

[Jenny]

I like Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Cookbook -- I find I turn to it more and more when I can't find what I need in other cookbooks. I especially like the way he shows different ways to change a dish by suggesting different ingredients so he's helped me to be more experimental with my cooking. I have his vegetarian cookbook too, but tend to use Deborah Madison's cookbooks more than Mark's.

[Esme]

I made this exact recipe last night, but used a 14 inch nonstick pan, and covered the pan for a while to let everything cook down a bit. Also need WAY more than 1/2 cup liquid, more like 2 cups (I had fish stock simmering by the pan) . Next time I will brown the noodles in two batches and then return them all to the pan with the seafood and stock, cover briefly so the noodles can cook down a bit and proceed, uncovered. Real Fideua in Spain if often crispy on top, I think it spends time the broiler.